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††† My Thoughts on Step One


We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.


The admitting is the easy part but accepting my alcoholism was the part I did not understand if I was to start the recovering process I had to admit my powerlessness and the unrestricted acceptance that by myself I cannot behave in a "normal" fashion I had to hit bottom and find the humility that allowed me to accept the help the Program offers.


Step one says my powerlessness is only about my alcoholism it doesn't say I was powerless over anything else the Step makes it clear that my life was a unmanageable because of alcoholism

The admission and acceptance of my need for help is probably the most powerful action I could take for myself


This is not the way Step one is talked about in most meetings today the popular view is that as recovering alcoholics we are powerless forever over everything this is a myth that has grown up in the Fellowship over time and it's truly sloppy thinking and far from what the founders intended


The reasons behind the myth of powerlessness comes from fear of relapse this fear can keep me powerless over everything if I donít follow the Steps and I know for me this was going to take all the honesty and humility I could muster up step one is the only one I needed to do with absolute perfection to accept and surrender to my disease


It is but the very beginning of recovery of a three fold disease physical, mental, and spiritual all the other steps are useless if we do not surrender and accept step one I admitted I was an alcoholic some 15 years before I knew what that really was after all why else would I act the way I did


Admitting I was an alcoholic was just not the same as admitting I was powerless if I wanted to stop I would have to admit that powerlessness I would also have to accept I can't drink in safety ever again what a relief to finally accept my powerlessness over drinking


When I went to a treatment center thatís where I really surrender to my disease I finally ACCEPTED I was an alcoholic and I needed help I just had nothing left in me I was alone totally hopeless full of remorse shame guilt fear despair and hopelessness I had no life left to manage so I had become as desperate as a dying man could be


Thank God this step was designed to restore me to a balance in my view of myself the notion that I was forever powerless could keep me in a victim role that I played very well when drunk it gave me a lot of excuses to avoid responsibility for anything or anyone

The first step is just that the beginning of a process of letting go of our alcoholism I think it works best when I really understand this and to accept I have to be the one to change almost everything about me and my attitudes not the attitudes of other people places and things in my life


My knowledge of the disease came from many sources like the Big Book then I was given a copy of the 12 & 12 I listened in AA meetings and got more information I found a sponsor he gave me more help on taken this first big step I learned how to become honest with myself and others


My sponsor told me to writing about the times I drank when I did not intend to drink and got drunk when I was only going to have a couple when I was just going to stop at so many this was another way to bring these to the front of my memory and consciousness and it worked


Doing this writing had the effect of helping me remember more of the times when I was total insane thinking I could stop when I wanted to I know writing about my powerlessness over alcohol was an invaluable tool in my recovering from my disease of alcoholism and helps to restore me to sanity


Even after all this I still had a real hard time in seeking out this HP they talked about at all the meetings I went to it almost scared me off but I was willing to go to any length to stay sober and because of my sponsor I did have the open mind to the changes he told me I had to make


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