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our grandson

THE CHILD WITH-IN     

           I know only one defense against the disease of alcoholism, if I expect to recover I must be willing to trust in God, and clean my own house. Anger is what kept me from the help I needed, with anger, I could hide the fear of letting anyone ever hurting me again, I needed to lift the mask of anger so I could start to work on my fear, I wouldn't let anyone close to me, I feared, if I did they would know how much I was hurting, it was easy to tell everyone I was all right, that I didn't need any help, I didn't need them in my life, I could never let anyone see me cry, I would smile on the outside, while I was crying on the inside, no way would I let anyone know the truth about the fearful child with-in me.

         He was a master at hiding who and what I really was, he showed me how to lie, and be deceitful, when I lied, I had to live in those lies, I lied to protect myself from harm, I started to believe those lies, so now I had to live in more lies, never to find real friends, or to know what real love was, until I discovered the God, of my understanding, unconditionally loving, and all forgiven, even knowing what I was, how Deceitful I was, He still loved me.

         He knew what I was going to do even before I did, He will always let me feel the pain and loneliness, when ever I chose to walk away from Him, but when ever I start walking toward His light, I can again turn my life and will over to His care, He will again relieve me of the pain, all I need is to seek His love and forgiveness, He will help me work for my recovery, He will help me discard all my old ways of living, all I need to do is accept His gift of desperation, that freedom from bondage from my own little hell.

           I must let go of my anger, fear, and deceit, let go of self-centeredness of my selfish ways, only in this way can I ever become humble and pass His gift on to those who still suffer from my disease, He forgave me I must not, judge, or condemn others, I must share, His unconditional love, with them until they find the strength to accept His love and forgiveness for themselves. I can share my torment and suffering with others so they don't need to go as far down the road that I chose to go down, they don't need to walk away from Him as I did, I can show them the road to recovery, where they will find His love and protection.

           We can lead them to a happiness, that is real, all they need to do is let go, trust in the people, their Higher Power put into their lives. We can examples of what life really is all about, honesty, humility, unselfishness, with unconditional love for everyone who follows our path, out of their hell, up the twelve steps of recovery, to true freedom and happiness, with real peace of mind.

           I could never do this alone, with my sick mind and my own sick thinking. You people, gave me real everlasting friends, to help me see what I could not see for myself, to guide me to peace and hope, I always need to be humble, because only humility will keep my character defects from overwhelming me again. I must always remember I can only guide those He brings into my life, to find their way to Him, so they my share their experience, strength, and hope with those who come after them.

           I have found God is true unconditional love and forgiveness, He will provide everything I need to live a life of peace, freedom, and happiness, to share and give His love is all I need to insure my own serenity in the spirit of fellowship in harmony with the God of my understand.

God's love prevails over everything. Give it freely and unconditionally.

12-18-97                           written by LT                     design by LT