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      Only by abandoning my old life completely, could I ever understand what Gods will is for me, I pray every day for strength to do His will. I ask Him to help me guide the children, He has placed into my care, to true love, and happiness, to keep us humble, to help us to be completely honest in everything we do, and learn to trust in our new friends.

      I know to destroy what little trust a newcomer has could force them back into their disease, honesty comes in time I know when I first came into the program I myself was far from being honest, either with myself or anyone around me. I told so many stories about myself it was impossible to tell which one was the truth, if any of them were.

      When I found a true friend in recovery, he help me realize I had to learn how to tell the truth, every time I lied it was to myself more than to anyone else. The greatest freedom I have today is not having to remember lies. What I say today is truthful and from the heart, freely given to anyone, not feeling, shame, guilt, or remorse, truth giving to me by my Higher Power, the God, of my understanding, who will give the gift to all who seek His guidance and protection.

      Some times these children will choose to walk away from us, they some times let fear overwhelm them and once again choose not to feel the pain they inflected on their loved ones, but back in their disease this is exactly what they do feel, more of the same pain of life, they start walking the same dark road of despair, mostly alone.

       All we can do is watch them flounder in this darkness until they have had enough suffering, and having had enough pain and despair they will reach out again for our help. We must be ready to accept them with unconditional love, for we have all faltered at times, we should never let anyone think they are alone, or let them think they can do it alone, I know I could never be alone, of myself I'm nothing, together with God's help we can do it.

      My animal instincts showed me how to survive on my own resources, but now I need to learn how to live in a world that teaches me to be selfless to give and share with all who want recovery, to accept I can no longer be alone. I must pass on the fellowships way of life to others in order to receive it for myself.

      The more I try to give the more I receive because God's love never end, I can't go back to the person I was, I may never be the person I want to be, but with the acceptance of God as, I understand Him, I will be the person He wants me to be. I always though I was born into poverty, until I was shown the richness of the entire world, measured in unconditional love, shared with everyone who would accept it.

      If we remember to always keep focus on ourselves, and our recovery, when the going is over-overwhelming, and we feel less than, not deserving of, when times are at there darkest, we must believe God's carrying us. When we are climbing the mountains of our lives, we should stop, when the going is overwhelming, turn around for a moment, see where we have been, see how much we have accomplished, how far we have come, see how many times God has encouraged us, helped us, or carried us. His unconditional love, and our acceptance of His love is what keeps us focused on our own recovery.

           12-01-97                      written by LT                     design by LT