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LEARNING HOW TO LIVE

      I don't have to be a people pleaser any more, I don't need to know what is going to happen tomorrow, and what happened yesterday is gone forever, I'm no longer alone in a crowd, I'm what I feel, just me, trying to do God's will not my own. Love is a happening, patience, tolerance, and understanding are feelings, I try to experience life today in God's eyes. It's the way He see me that I don't understand, why did He choose me, I didn't deserve to be saved, I wasn't worth the effort, I was full of self-pity, full of the poor ME's, why didn't He know how worthless, and useless I was, I know without His will working in me, I would be dead, but for some reason He did choose for me to live, why me doesn't matter, for He is in my life today. All I have is from His unconditional love for me.

      I feel like I have been reborn, just a small child willing to learn from the experience of others, rather than experience any more pain, despair, or negative feelings myself. Yet I still feel hurt, afraid and lonely at times, like there's still a child with-in me who needs to be loved.

      Today I can be honest with myself, I don't have any guilt, fear, or remorse over the way I live today, I feel closer to a loving God, than anyone has the right to be, I try hard to share with people my good feelings, as well as my bad feelings, I feel His love, trust, and forgiveness today. My true feelings are just beginning to come alive, my head is clearing up more each day, I dislike the way I criticize and judge others by my childish standards of what is right or wrong, I tend to put myself above other people, only to be hurt, because things didn't go my way, His will not mine be done for all people, not just for me.

      I can learn from the way other people see me, It can make me aware of my faults, then I can try harder to teach, rather than to judge, but sometimes it works out the other way, because I want my will over God's will for them. Pain and suffering only make me grow, yet I don't want to grow so fast, I can't enjoy life, also I try to think positive, and think more of what's needed, than what I want in life, if I got half of what I wanted, I would be so busy, I could never find the time to enjoy anything God has given me, let alone anything I have acquired thru my selfish self-centered ways.

      I have too remember I am not God, but only one of His children. He is my Father, He will never give me anything that will hurt me, I can only hurt myself when I don't trust in Him, I may not be much to others, but I am all I have today, I'm really a piece of clay, yesterday I was nothing but broken pieces, today I can be molded into someone beautiful, and with God's love for others, as for myself I will not be shattered again, but even if I am God will pick up the pieces and help me start over once again.

      We all need to feel things, good or bad makes no difference, feelings just are, it's what I do with them, if I learn to accept God's will for me each day, then the feelings were worth having, I can forget yesterday's feelings, and start new, expressing my love and thanks for what He has given me, I am being retrained to live a new life, with God at my side, I have a feeling of gratitude, with a deeper love and understanding of my own life.

       I am still very much a part of the world I live in, I feel secure in what I am doing with my life, God gave me the chance, to show my love to all the people He put in my life. My heart grows stronger, when I am sharing my hopes with others, watching them grow and learning how to cope with life on God's terms, not on our own.

      Happiness is a by product of the way I choose to live my live, my feelings about God came from my awareness of His presents in my life, I felt a calmness when I reached out to Him, it felt like everything in the whole world came to a stop and I floated away, I felt unconditional love flowing like a brook into my life, never ending love for everyone, love for God and everything He has given me.

      I feel close to Him each time I speak at a meeting, He gives me hope that life really can be good, if only I can take the program as it was given, I feel very happy knowing I have a chance to live. Life is a gift not to play with, there is much good in each and everyone of us, only we can stop the goodness from coming out, self-pity is just a cop-out, I know I was in need of His unconditional love for me, He made me feel alive and happy, the joy of sharing with Him the gift of sobriety, the calmness, the true peace and happiness he gave me, makes me feel alive and in His grace, the child with-in me feels safe and secure even in the mist of the chaos of the world around him, this child with-in can feel God's love and peace.

      My heart tells me I can, I must share my experience, strength, and hope with others, that our common welfare rest's in given away the love we have, it's truly given that we receive, by living one day at a time, with love in my heart, I will have peace and serenity in my life. I made my decision to give unconditional love were ever I go, so I can share my peace and happiness with everyone who I may meet.

      God's ways are sure strange, in my eyes, because He gives to me in so many ways, I feel ashamed that I didn't believe in Him before. I had to die so I could live, some people have a chance to live, with out going thru the hell of dying like I did.

      Sharing my feelings with others makes me feel more a part of life, I feel a deeper trust in people in recovery than I ever felt before in my life, God has a purpose for me and I want very much to fulfill that purpose, I have been to hell and back, I can give to my brothers and sisters the hope and strength that life, no matter how fearful, hurt, lonely, angry, tired, or sick we were, life was, and still is very meaningful, and thru unconditional love and compassion for each other freely given, we can receive more than we could use in a hundred life times here on earth.

      Each day my love overflows into the lives of all those around me, I ask God to give them the gift, He gave me and my hope is they may freely accept His gift to them, I know God gives of Himself to all His children, and I try to give purpose to the children He intrusted to my guidance, to give them love and teach them to accept His will for them, I must let go and let God's will be done for me and everyone else.

      My love is a gift He gave me so I may find the strength to forgive the faults of men, especially my own faults, for I have so many, I know now He found it easy to forgive me because He loves me and cares for me, regardless of how many times I fail. I find it harder to forgive myself because I feel worthless, guilty, and ashamed for the way I acted, feeling self-pity for wasting time feeling sorry and lonely for myself, I was a very sick and suffering person when I arrived at the halls of A .A.

      God's power is unconditional love, He will fill my cup until it over flows, all I need to do is accept His love which is never ending, life is never ending I feel warm and serene just thinking of sharing my love, hope, and strength with everyone, hoping it will be His will to give me the strength to share my mistakes with those who could best benefit from them, the outcasts, as I was or though I was with my sick thinking, I can better help and understand people today, because God gave me the gift of true love, I can share this love with all His children by using all the tools He gave me, I still have my health and I can share this beautiful world with everyone.

      God's unconditional love teaches everyone in the world, even what they though were the worst people in the around, the scum of the earth, can with His grace be the true at heart, the hope of life and honesty, be the instrument of peace and serenity for them all.

      Today I have the strength to give myself to those who are still sick and suffering, all the love overflowing my cup of life, I think it would be nice if we could be like a little church filled with love, peace and forgiveness, respecting the rights of others caring and sharing with others our own experience, strength, and hope, all our feeling, learning to trust in God, trust in ourselves and other people.

      I think when God picked-up the broken pieces of my life He molded a new person from them, God doesn't make junk, I can say today I like what He made from the broken pieces of my life, He took a lot of broken pieces of junk and created a warm and gentle image of Himself, again he added free will to that image, only today I want the free will He gave me to be used to help me do His work, not my own, because the secret of happiness lay's in loving what you have, rather than seeking what you want, enjoy today for it's the first day of the rest of your life, the only day we have to live.

  From notes written in 1976                    Written by LT                          page design by LT