WHO WILL 
HELP THEM
My
experience consists of twenty five years of active research in
the use and abuse of alcohol and prescription drugs, inflecting
pain and suffering upon myself, my family, and anyone else around
me. I had to become as desperate as a dying person could be, in
order to accept and surrender to my disease, my attitude, and my
concept of life as I knew it.
I
also have over twenty four years of continuous sobriety, by
living our program, as suggested in the " Big Book"
Alcoholics Anonymous and in the book Twelve Steps and Twelve
traditions found in any public library, having in all forty nine
years of experience in this field.
My
wife of over twenty two years is also in our program of recovery.
We sponsor and co-sponsor many people in the fellowship,
professional as well as lay people, are among these people we
have been working with as there sponsors in this recovery
program. We have been guiding them thru our twelve steps, helping
them to build greater self-confidence and self-esteem, to look
for solutions to their problems, instead of living in the
problems.
Because
of the confidence, trust and unconditional love we have shared in
recovery, we as there sponsors believe we know these sponsee's
better than anyone else in their lives, or in their recovery. We
have daily contact with them, in person or via telephone. We have
helped them thru the pain, fear, anger, loneliness, helplessness,
hopelessness, and confusion of their past, thru the apprehension
of the holidays and other special events, in times of distress or
agitation.
Thru
all their turmoil, most who follow the program remain clean and
sober, accepting God's love and hope for a prosperous future,
with our support in the fellowship of recovery having a close
inner circle of friends, who are willing to help in case of any
emergency, any time day or night. The resolve of these sponsee,s
to follow the principles and traditions with consistency in their
actions makes them, honest, trustworthy, and responsible today
Its true slips are quite common in early recovery these often are
caused by a physical craving, or an allergy to alcohol or drugs
especially when the body secretes alcohol or drugs into our blood
stream, this happens about every three to six months which can
set-up the compulsion to drink or drug. When this does happen if
the alcoholics guard is down, or they are in a depressed state of
mind, their disease may take over before they even realize what
has happened.
The
alcoholic usually feels overwhelmed at this time filled with
guilt, remorse, and shame. They may react by seeking professional
help when they realize they had a slip. Fear of loosing
everything they worked for usually makes them want this kind of
help at first. Also old behavioral patterns emerge sometimes the
familiar seems less threatening in times of change.
Some
times, sponsee's will stay with their sponsors for a brief time
until they can get back their daily routine of meetings
Fortunately most realize what happened and stop drinking and
using immediately. They soon learn that although they did slip,
they still have the months and sometimes years of experience they
had when they were sober, but they did lose their sobriety date.
In
my opinion these people were honest and truthful with themselves
about their disease and are also honest and truthful with those
who they have learned to trust, confide and believe in. There is
no way this slip affects their ability to provide for themselves.
In fact if anything it will make them stronger in their resolve
to remain clean and sober and remain the loving kind and carrying
people they have become in recovery, the past has a profound roll
in the way we learn normal behavior patterns.
Faced
with drastic life style changes anyone can be overwhelmed,
recovery is an on going process that requires making a decision
to live in a completely different manner. Living one day at a
time gives us the opportunity to make drastic life style changes,
in just twelve manageable steps.
Some
of the people we sponsor have been victims of many unjust
conditions since early childhood, some have never known the real
meaning of love, as most normal people see, feel, and give love.
Some
have been physically, mentally, and sexually, as well as
spiritually abused, to the point where they believed this abuse
was real love, they became victims of their caretakers and hence
thru the use and abuse of alcohol and drugs became victims of
themselves in that their instinctual tendency is to deny their
responsibility for most conflicts in which they find themselves,
these emotional twist can warp their personalities and will alter
their lives for the worst, with out a lot of help from other
people.
In
early recovery these people are still walking thru a life time of
physical, spiritual, and emotional abuse, stark raving terror,
and total rejection, because they still blame people, places, and
things They still hold the shame placed on them by caretakers who
committed outrageous offenses against them, such as rape,
assault, battery, abandonment, and continuous verbal abuse, they
were trained to accept this guilt, remorse, and shame to keep
these secrets as well as their own secrets real or imaginary.
Deep with-in some of these sponsee,s were much to terrified to
assert themselves, their fear let family and so called friends
have complete control of them. Total exploitation of their every
action gave these people power over their lives. They became to
terrified to resist, nothing could ever interfere with what these
sick people wanted from them.
This
lead them into a state of apathetic demoralization and total
humiliation with a sense of absolute hopelessness. Some of them
ran away because they felt safer in the streets than in the sick
and abusive homes and foster homes they were placed in. Alcohol
and drugs helped them to forget were they came from, how hopeless
and helpless they felt, and how alone they were
Pride
ego, self-justification, rebellion, stubbornness, and hatred
especially self-hatred are woven into the very fabric of their
existence. These character defects allowed their
self-centeredness to make them victims of themselves and helped
keep the focus off of the terror and nightmares of their past,
most of these people needed these defects to survive.
Many
well intent people, such as social workers, the judicial system
and welfare systems have tried to help these people in the past,
by ordering counseling, but they always put conditions on their
actions that will cause these types of people to doubt their
motives. It's virtually impossible to trust or confide in someone
if they are going to give a report of their findings to a third
party for review.
No
person I have ever tried to help could do this, honesty and truth
come only when you can learn about yourself thru sharing your
feelings openly and freely. Counseling should be used only to
help the individual in need, it should be kept personal and in
absolute confidence in order to be of any real help. Any reports
or evaluations should be approved by the clients before being
released to anyone. We believe there has been a very profound
change in our sponsee's personalities, their demeanor is improved
which helps carry their message of experience, strength, and hope
to others in recovery, by sharing at meetings and getting active
in our fellowship. Today they are not walking alone, we who are
in recovery, are walking and sharing with them on a daily basis,
helping them to face the fears in their lives sensible, and at
times courageously.
Most
are making positive adjustments and are learning useful skills,
having started a life long journey to clean-up the wreckage of
their past, holding back nothing, sponsee's start sharing all the
secrets of their past, in order to remain clean and sober. They
are starting to trust completely in their sponsor's and are
enlarging their spiritually by reaching out to their Higher
Power, whom we choose to call the God of our understanding, in
the fellowship of recovery.
We
try to help our sponsee's by building up their self-awareness,
self- confidence, and self-esteem, no one can fail if they keep
working on these attributes and always remember to be thankful to
God for what He has giving them, in their new life.
Trust
is the largest obstacle in the way to recovery usually non
existent in abused people, we find sponsee's becoming more honest
and willing to learn the truth about life, more open minded to
change, as our twelve steps of recovery show them the way.
They
on longer need to defend or hide the secrets of their lives, or
the secrets of their families lives, these people are willing to
accept their part in their past and are willing to clean-up their
devastation and make amends to all for the turmoil they left in
their wake.
We
cannot change our past, we can not undo even a single act we
perform, nor can we erase a single word we say, nor can we change
a single mistake or blunder we made. We must live in today where
we find we can survive the struggles of just one day. Constantly
having someone adding the afflictions of our past can only serve
as a punishment and will invariable bring back the bitterness and
remorse of a yesterday gone forever and a fear and dread of what
tomorrow will bring. It has been proven many times over anyone
can recover if they have the willingness to reach out for help,
are honest enough to seek the truth, open minded enough to change
their lives, and accept a power greater than themselves, who will
restore them to sanity.
Only
God knows the secrets of our hearts, we all have turned our pasts
over to His care, and He has forgiven us, we in the fellowship of
recovery have also forgiven others and are helping them to walk
forward into Gods light. Its time the hypocrites and bigots
learned love and forgiveness, least they shall not be forgiven
for their own mistakes, Always remember to err is human, to
forgive is divine, let God do His work.
Some
people have a despicable value system given to them by their
caretakers, in early childhood and are now being ostracized
because they have tried on their own to change their lives in the
past and have failed most people like this have been reduced to
non-family status, have been shamed, and demoralized into
accepting what a certain group of people have decided is an
acceptable family value system for others to live by. What is
acceptable too some individuals may be considered inappropriate
to most other people. Our families lives depend on the right
definition of family values, some peoples value system is
predicate on family and other peoples lies.
So
be very careful when you exclude people, especially if those you
exclude base their values on anything less than, love, trust,
honesty, and a commitment to a God of their understanding, these
are the principles and values we learn in the twelve steps of
recovery in our fellowship. Fear, is in my opinion, the most
debilitating of all our emotions. To many people have lived in
constant fear of reprisal for most of their lives, please help us
take that fear away, so they can progress steadily thru life as
people with faith in a Higher Power and confidence in themselves,
give them the prospective to help build character and spiritual
values, some people have been conditioned to believe the horrors
of life instead of the wonders of life.
Please
give them a chance to prove how good a person they really are
help them to heal the past and work on the future. It's time to
stop punishing and to start with the healing. we know that's what
the God of our understand wants. there is a
quote
by Herbert Spencer
" There is a
principal which is proof against all information which is proof
against all argument and which cannot fail to keep a man in
everlasting ignorance" that principle is
"
CONTEMPT PRIOR TO INVESTIGATION "
10-8-97 written by
LT design by LT
