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    My Thoughts on Step Four

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

If I didn’t care about society or my fellowship I would die so my emotions for my relationship

With Sandy and others along with material and emotional security are perfectly necessary and right and surely are God-given if used rightly

I know my instincts often far exceed their proper functions every serious emotional problem I had can be seen as a case of my own misdirected instinct turned into physical and mental liabilities I needed to find where my natural desires have warped me

By discovering my emotional deformities I can start to move toward correcting them Without a searching and fearless moral inventory I quickly found that the faith that works in daily living is still out of reach for me still needed the humility to trust in your God

Fear kept me depending completely upon my problems with my own resources I never grew up In time everyone ran from me because I was power-mad who attempting to rule with an iron fist this did   throw away every chance I had for a real happy life with family and friends

I drank to drown feelings of fear frustration and depression this sickness was not pleasant to look at I was swamped with guilt and self-loathing anger fear and despair nothing but death-looked possible for a solution to my problems at that time

My troubles I thought were caused by the behavior of other people not me people who really need a moral inventory if only they’d treat me better my indignation was justified and my resentments are the right kind to keep me in my misery for a long time

As a newcomer I did have some assets but not many my liabilities out weight them and they did form a little balance when I fearlessly look at my defects self-justification was my excuse for everything It never occurred to me I needed to change myself to meet my problems whatever they were

I slowly learned that something had to be done about my resentments self-pity and pride I had to see when I had grudges how I was always planning on getting even I was really beating myself with a club not the people I resented most of the time they never knew I was resentful towards them

I had to stop blaming others I needed to look at my part in the damage caused by my drinking when making my inventory I needed to find out what my character defects were the Seven Deadly Sins of pride greed lust anger gluttony envy and sloth for me false pride did lead to self-justification

All my feelings were from fear that made more character defects unreasonable fear that my instincts will not be satisfied my instincts were threatened by my fear both my pride and my fear beat me back every time Pride says “You need not pass this way” “ and Fear says You dare not look”

My character defects did represent instincts gone wild was my primary cause of drinking but now I am willing to work hard at eliminating the worst of my defects my faulty foundation of life will be torn out and built on a new foundation of solid bedrock

Step Four is the beginning of a lifetime practice I had to look at where my selfish pursuit of finance romance and self-importance damage other people and me who had I hurt and how badly did I spoil my marriage and injure my children with my selfish ways when drinking

Had to look at how I reacted to these situations at the time I had guilt remorse and shame but I still insist at times I was the pursued and not the pursuer and I took out my self-righteous anger on other people places and thing when this happened

Problems with my emotional insecurity were anger self-pity resentments and finally depression I had to look at my relationships that caused trouble in any area where my instincts were threatened looking at both past and present what situations caused me anxiety frustration or depression

From my twisted relations with family friends and society at large I did suffered the most I have been ignorant and stubborn about them my egomania made me try to dominate my friends and family I did lean heavily on people they fail me they are human and could not possibly meet my demands

When I try to manipulate others to my own willful desires wow! They revolt and resist Then my feeling were hurt this self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one around me of true brotherhood I had small comprehension

It was wise to write out my questions and answers it aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal of me It was the first tangible evidence of my complete willingness to move forward with humility to find the God of my understanding I made the decision in step three the actions have just begun

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