My
Thoughts on Step Four
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of
ourselves.”
If I didn’t care about society or my fellowship I would die so my
emotions for my relationship
With Sandy and others
along with material and emotional security are perfectly necessary and right
and surely are God-given if used rightly
I
know my instincts often far exceed their proper functions every serious
emotional problem I had can be seen as a case of my own misdirected instinct
turned into physical and mental liabilities I needed to find where my natural
desires have warped me
By
discovering my emotional deformities I can start to move toward correcting them
Without a searching and fearless moral inventory I quickly found that the faith
that works in daily living is still out of reach for me still needed the
humility to trust in your God
Fear
kept me depending completely upon my problems with my own resources I never
grew up In time everyone ran from me because I was power-mad who
attempting to rule with an iron fist this did
throw away every chance I had for a real happy life with family and
friends
I
drank to drown feelings of fear frustration and depression this sickness was
not pleasant to look at I was swamped with guilt and self-loathing anger fear
and despair nothing but death-looked possible for a solution to my problems at
that time
My
troubles I thought were caused by the behavior of other people not me people
who really need a moral inventory if only they’d treat me better my indignation
was justified and my resentments are the right kind to keep me in my misery for
a long time
As
a newcomer I did have some assets but not many my liabilities out weight them
and they did form a little balance when I fearlessly look at my defects
self-justification was my excuse for everything It never occurred to me I
needed to change myself to meet my problems whatever they were
I
slowly learned that something had to be done about my resentments self-pity and
pride I had to see when I had grudges how I was always planning on getting even
I was really beating myself with a club not the people I resented most of the
time they never knew I was resentful towards them
I
had to stop blaming others I needed to look at my part in the damage caused by
my drinking when making my inventory I needed to find out what my character
defects were the Seven Deadly Sins of pride greed lust anger gluttony envy and
sloth for me false pride did lead to self-justification
All
my feelings were from fear that made more character defects unreasonable fear
that my instincts will not be satisfied my instincts were threatened by my fear
both my pride and my fear beat me back every time Pride says “You need not pass
this way” “ and Fear says You dare not look”
My
character defects did represent instincts gone wild was my primary cause of
drinking but now I am willing to work hard at eliminating the worst of my
defects my faulty foundation of life will be torn out and built on a new
foundation of solid bedrock
Step
Four is the beginning of a lifetime practice I had to look at where my selfish
pursuit of finance romance and self-importance damage other people and me who
had I hurt and how badly did I spoil my marriage and injure my children with my
selfish ways when drinking
Had
to look at how I reacted to these situations at the time I had guilt remorse
and shame but I still insist at times I was the pursued and not the pursuer and
I took out my self-righteous anger on other people places and thing when this
happened
Problems
with my emotional insecurity were anger self-pity resentments and finally
depression I had to look at my relationships that caused trouble in any area
where my instincts were threatened looking at both past and present what
situations caused me anxiety frustration or depression
From
my twisted relations with family friends and society at large I did suffered
the most I have been ignorant and stubborn about them my egomania made me try
to dominate my friends and family I did lean heavily on people they fail me
they are human and could not possibly meet my demands
When
I try to manipulate others to my own willful desires wow! They revolt and
resist Then my feeling were hurt this self-centered behavior blocked a
partnership relation with any one around me of true brotherhood I had small
comprehension
It
was wise to write out my questions and answers it aid to clear thinking and honest
appraisal of me It was the first tangible evidence of my complete willingness
to move forward with humility to find the God of my understanding I made the
decision in step three the actions have just begun
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