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Self Pity

 

Self pity almost got me killed out there was great at blaming others for all my problems

 

And all that did for my was get me into a state of hopelessness

Soon everyone was out of my life

 

And I was left alone with my pitiful self totally alone in the world

Except for my precious bottle

 

Sure thought the world came to an end no one was there for me

I had no control over anything

 

My wife hated me and threw me out the kids were afraid of me

Never know what I was going to be like when I came home

 

Yes I was a very pitiful mess before I found AA and thank God I did find these halls

 

All the hope that was here for me I never thought I was that bad

Till I started to listen to all the shares

 

BOY how I could relate to most of them how

 I had to control everything and everyone in my life

 

Right control, as we all know when you need to control things

You are already out of control

 

When I started to look at the wreckage of my past

 In the fourth step self pity cropped up

 

I could not believe the damage I had caused with my drunken attitude

Towards people places and things

 

Went into a depression and my EGO was completely deflated

I felt lower than pond scum

 

Totally ashamed of myself and did not think I was deserving of anything

Anyone had to offer

 

My sponsor said to me if anyone waited till they deserved what

 God has freely given us none of us would ever sober up

 

He was right God granted me this wonderful gift of sobriety

 

When I turned to Him he forgave me and gave me a second chance

At life on His terms

 

Sure I felt low when I started that fearful fourth step

 But by the time I shared it with my sponsor

 

Things started to turn around for the better

I truly had that new freedom and happiness

 

Sobriety took the self-pity away after I got honest with God

And my sponsor about myself

 

Today I thank God for His gift of desperation

 He gave me so I could find hope

 

It is a wonderful gift from God

Anyone can have just turn over you will to HIM

 

God bless you all

  

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