My Thoughts on Step Five
"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
Well step four and five sure did go contrary to my natural desires and talk about deflate my egos step five was the hardest one but just like all the other steps I had to take this one if I wanted to have any sobriety or peace of mind necessary
Looking over my drinking days step four and five were to help me sift thru my past experiences you know the ones I wanted to hide in a deep cave because I did not want anyone to know what an ass I really was much less share them with another person
Fear and reluctance to do this got in my way I thought maybe I could skip this step after all I knew what I had done and God knew what I had done why was it important for another human being to hear what I had been like in my past guess I was searching for an easier way
I had to really clean my side of the street I know I could not carry this burden alone irritability anxiety remorse and depression would lead me back to a bottle and I had to really look at what part I played in blaming people places and things
Yes I knew what my character defects and shortcomings were an I knew I had to find this other human being to share them with or I know I would project on them and eventually would go back to blaming others for my own mistakes
Step five was the very beginning of being honest with others and myself I lost me fear of being an outcast because of how I perceived I was the worst person in the world I did torture myself loneliness was my lot until I found the love of AA and a sense of belonging
Honesty about myself was one of the many benefits of doing Step Five a solitary appraisal and the admission of my defects based upon my thoughts alone was not enough I had admit the truth about myself with the help of God and another human being
I know what came to me in my own mind was the rationalization and wishful thinking sharing with another and getting his comment on my situation I knew going it alone was dangerous
My problem was to find a person to confide in I was relieved because I was going to an aa spiritual week end where I could take this step with a priest I was not to sure about talking all this out with my sponsor and he was the one to suggest I do it at the retreat
What a relief it was to finally get this out in the open where I could not project on it any more it was a relief from isolation because of my open and honest sharing of my burden of guilt to that resting place ready to move toward a full and meaningful sobriety.
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